Brock Should Date Every Single Nurse Joy In Pokemon

Science hasn’t yet told us how many Nurse Joys there are exactly, but it’s got to be a lot. Every single Poké Center in every single town seems to have one, whether they’re soaking up the sun in Alola or sipping tea in Galar. Of course, no two Joys were created exactly alike, and in the anime, some have even branched outside of nursing to become investigators and archeologists.

But regardless of profession, each Nurse Joy comes from the same family, and each one sports numerous physical similarities. In fact, the name “Nurse Joy” isn’t really a name at all, but a title presumably given to every woman in the family tree. Throughout the series, certain Nurse Joys have referred to other Joys as cousins, sisters, and other miscellaneous relatives. Still, most have a difficult time telling each Joy apart, which is often used to comedic effect in the anime.

However, there’s one man who can tell them all apart: Brock. The Pewter City gym leader has the uncanny ability to spot differences between each Joy and discern who’s who. It makes sense, though, as the alleged “fifteen-year-old” (please, he’s at least 30,) is a perpetual simp for every last Nurse Joy on the face of the planet. While he thirsts after all of them equally, he’s never acting under the pretense that they’re the same person. In fact, he’s usually the first one to point out key differences to other characters—like a Pokédex, but hornier.

In real life, this behavior is a bit frowned upon. Imagine sexting with a really cute guy, then turning around and taking his little brother out for dinner—but not before the oldest brother has you over for coffee and blows your back out. There’s nothing really wrong with it per se, but you’re definitely playing with fire—blurring the line between “acceptable casual dating” and “holy shit, that’s my dad, dude.” Typically speaking, even in open relationships, relatives are kind of off limits. It’s hard to enjoy sucking someone off if they’ve been inside your aunt and uncle, y’know?

But Pokémon isn’t real life, and honestly, the same rules shouldn’t apply. I say this not out of some weird desire to see Brock shack up with every Nurse Joy there is, but out of consideration for the Joy Family’s (?) collective wellbeing. Think about this: any other person Joy brings home for Christmas runs the risk of accidental infidelity. One askew hug, kiss, or butt squeeze would be enough to grind the festivities to a halt and to pile more trauma onto the collective psyche of the Joy lineage. The Joy that brought them would be crushed, the one they mistook for their date would feel confused, and the date themselves would feel like an absolute piece of Garbodor.

Suffice it to say, there wouldn’t be much Joy to the world going around.

Brock wouldn’t run into these problems, though. Like an obsessive little freak, he knows every detail about every Nurse Joy there is, and likely wouldn’t ever mistake one for another. Plus, it’s a great deal for him, considering he can’t go five seconds without hitting on another woman. Brock gets around, and if he got to shack up with a new woman in every town, he’d finally have found the perfect relationship for him. This is an expansive family tree he’d be coiled up in, and if everyone was on the same page, it’s one that he could tend to single-handedly.

He’d just have to get a vasectomy, because… I mean, duh.

Plus, Brock dating the entire Nurse Joy family would alleviate so many other struggles of dating. He’d never have to worry about meeting the mom or getting along with siblings, because he’d already be dating them. If one Joy hasn’t seen Brock in a while, she could just dial up another Joy in another region and ask how he’s doing (“fine, thanks, he actually just took me on the loveliest little date.”) Honestly, it sounds a lot healthier than most straight relationships.

So, I’m calling on Team Kato to stop being cowards and to let Brock date Nurse Joy already. Not just one of them—all of them. Trust me, there are more than enough jelly donuts to go around.

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Bella Blondeau is a lovable miscreant with a heart of gold… or so she says.

She likes long walks in dingy arcades, loves horror good and bad, and has a passion for anime girls of any and all varieties. Her favorite game is Nier: Automata, because she loves both robots and being sad.

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