Have you ever looked at a character in a video game and thought, “It is literally impossible for any real human being to be that ridiculously good-looking?” If the answer is yes, you’ve probably said it about Final Fantasy’s most illustrious villain: Sephiroth, the guy who is a massive prick but also everybody fancies him – often because of the fact he is a massive prick. Anyway, we’ve found out Sephiroth’s secret – he goes through an entire container of both shampoo and conditioner every single time he washes those long, luscious locks of billowing white hair.
Final Fantasy 7 is a game that grapples with some hefty themes pertaining to environmentalism and eco-terrorism – everybody knows that. However, I didn’t know that Sephiroth is so immensely committed to his cause of destroying the planet that he singlehandedly tries to go through a person’s two-week supply of hair products every single day. Check out the tweet below, which confirms – canonically! – that Sephiroth uses way too much shampoo.
“Dear members of the Silver Elite,” the message reads. “In this update, we present another piece of Sephiroth trivia – the secrets to his beautiful long hair.
“The hair products he uses are of the highest grade, made and supplied by the Shinra Company. He seems to use one whole bottle of both shampoo and conditioner every time he washes his hair. They are scented with thirteen kinds of perfumes, including Rose and Vanilla.
“Apparently, the scent in the air after Sephiroth tosses his hair changes daily.”
13 different perfumes? Sephiroth must not know that mixing two different kinds of aftershave makes you smell awful, actually – like proper, unadulterated moonshine. That being said, his hair is lovely, isn’t it? Maybe we’ll all need to start lumping entire bottles of shampoo onto our heads, just to get that gloss – that sheer sheen that glows in the moonlight.
Or not. I’d imagine going through that much hair product in one day is probably a bit expensive. Also, again, it’s a very Shinra thing to do, and we’re team Avalanche here at TheGamer. No full bottles of conditioner for us, thanks. Not unless you can promise me in legally-binding writing that it will make my hair look as good as Sephiroth’s. In that case, I’ll take a 30-day supply, please. 30 bottles of your finest 13-perfume shampoo, Square Enix.
Next: Someone Made Handsome Squidward In Cyberpunk 2077
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Cian Maher is the Lead Features Editor at TheGamer. He’s also had work published in The Guardian, The Washington Post, The Verge, Vice, Wired, and more. You can find him on Twitter @cianmaher0.
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